If You Love a Big Mac... I Need Your Help!

Please watch this video about my failed attempt to get a side of extra special sauce for my Big Mac this Summer. And then tell McDonald's that they need to establish a worldwide policy that a request for a side of extra special sauce is reasonable and should be granted. A side of extra special sauce should be on the menu worldwide so we can order it!

Here is the specific message we need McDonald's to hear from as many people as possible:

"In many countries of the world, if a customer asks for a side of extra Big Mac special sauce, they are told they cannot have it. This is unacceptable. McDonald's needs to issue a policy directive to all world offices, telling them that a request for a side of extra special sauce is reasonable and it should be granted. Ideally, a side of extra Big Mac special sauce should be placed on the menu, so no customer ever again is denied this reasonable request."

Singing the Latin Declensions!

It's back to school time! Or maybe you want to brush up on the Latin you learned years ago. Either way, here's a song and video I made a few years ago to help students learn all five cases of all five declensions of the Latin noun. I've also now made it available as a free download through Bandcamp. Enjoy!

NEW EVIDENCE FOR THE UNITY OF CATULLUS 2 AND 2B

1. Introduction

One of the most enduring controversies in Catullan studies is the question of what relationship, if any, Poem 2 has to the three lines conventionally labeled 2B. The ten lines of Poem 2 address the pet sparrow of the poet's love interest:





 
 









Passer, deliciae meae puellae,
quicum ludere, quem in sinu tenere,
cui primum digitum dare appetenti
et acris solet incitare morsus,
cum desiderio meo nitenti
carum nescio quid lubet iocari
et solaciolum sui doloris,
credo ut tum gravis acquiescat ardor:
tecum ludere sicut ipsa possem
et tristis animi levare curas!

The three lines of 2B, despite being connected to 2 in the received manuscripts (with Poem 3 following), present a sudden shift in topic, tone and grammatical subject:
 
Tam gratum est mihi quam ferunt puellae
pernici aureolum fuisse malum,
quod zonam soluit diu ligatam.

In the wake of initial suspicions regarding the manuscript presentation of their unity in the 16th century, there have been successive waves of scholarship for and against the unity of these lines up to the present day. Modern scholars have presented positions along the entire spectrum of rejecting or supporting the unity of the current texts, positing a unity but assuming a lacuna between the two, or emending the text to alleviate the apparent disjointedness of the two pieces.
I will not, in this post, revisit or assess the particular strengths and weaknesses of the previous research on this topic. All sides could probably agree that reasonable and cogent arguments have been made for multiple possible opinions. Indeed, barring the unlikely discovery of a manuscript predating those which led to the current divide, no literary or philological argument will end all debate on the matter.
What I will present here is an entirely new line of reasoning in favor of the unity of 2 and 2b. An examination of alliterative patterns used by Catullus will suggest that the three lines of 2b are indeed the conclusion of the piece.

2. Alliteration in Catullus

Like other poets, Catullus used alliteration and assonance liberally.  This stylistic effect could occur throughout the line but could also include repetitions at the beginning of successive lines.  In Poem 5, Catullus produces alliteration and assonance throughout the line, as well as displaying line initial patterns:
 
Vivamus mea Lesbia, atque amemus,
rumoresque senum severiorum
omnes unius aestimemus assis!
soles occidere et redire possunt:
nobis cum semel occidit brevis lux,
nox est perpetua una dormienda.
da mi basia mille, deinde centum,
dein mille altera, dein secunda centum,
deinde usque altera mille, deinde centum.
dein, cum milia multa fecerimus,
conturbabimus illa, ne sciamus,
aut ne quis malus inuidere possit,
cum tantum sciat esse basiorum.

Following four lines with prominent alliteration and assonance internally, Catullus closes the piece with a line initial pattern of AABBBBCDC.
This is no isolated effect. Catullus also uses alliteration and assonance to produce what appears to be intentional patterns. In Poem 40, for instance, he alternates all but one line with either a /k[w]/ or a vowel:
 
Quaenam te mala mens, miselle Ravide,
agit praecipitem in meos iambos?
Quis deus tibi non bene advocatus
vecordem parat excitare rixam?
An ut pervenias in ora vulgi?
Quid vis? Qualubet esse notus optas?
Eris, quandoquidem meos amores
cum longa voluisti amare poena.



 3. Initial Alliteration in 2 and 2B

If line initial patterns are indeed part of the inventory of literary effects Catullus employed, there emerges an intriguing proof of the unity of 2 and 2B. Note that following the first two lines, Catullus produces a consistent initial line alliterative pattern in 2.3-10:

Passer, deliciae meae puellae,
quicum ludere, quem in sinu tenere,

/p/  /q/

cui primum digitum dare appetenti
et acris solet incitare morsus,
cum desiderio meo nitenti

/c/ /et/ /c/

carum nescio quid lubet iocari
et solaciolum sui doloris,
credo ut tum gravis acquiescat ardor:

/c/ /et/ /c/

tecum ludere sicut ipsa possem
et tristis animi levare curas!

/t/ /et/ /.../


The predicted next letter, in a pattern produced by intentionality, is a /t/. Note now the first letters of 2B:

Tam gratum est mihi quam ferunt puellae
pernici aureolum fuisse malum,
quod zonam soluit diu ligatam.


Not only do we witness the predicted /t/, but the final two lines repeat the same /p/ and /q/ seen in lines 1 and 2.
Taken together, 2 and 2B produce a highly symmetrical alliterative pattern:

Passer, deliciae meae puellae,
Quicum ludere, quem in sinu tenere,

Cui primum digitum dare appetenti
ET acris solet incitare morsus,
Cum desiderio meo nitenti

Carum nescio quid lubet iocari
ET solaciolum sui doloris,
Credo ut tum gravis acquiescat ardor:

Tecum ludere sicut ipsa possem
ET tristis animi levare curas!
Tam gratum est mihi quam ferunt puellae

Pernici aureolum fuisse malum,
Quod zonam soluit diu ligatam.


6. Conclusion

Catullus certainly considered initial line alliteration and assonance to produce an effect at his artistic disposal. He also displays a marked tendency toward overall symmetry in the construction of his poetry. The observation that 2B completes 2 in a symmetrical alliterative pattern is at least suggestive evidence for the unity of the poems. Accepting them as a unified whole does not remove the very real difficulties in explaining the seeming semantic and syntactic disjointedness of the pieces. But, despite these problems, the alliterative patterns may suggest that more work should be spent in trying to make the marriage of the two somehow work.

Adventures in Romania: Part Two

I love a Big Mac. I'm not even going to apologize. I eat Paleo 99% of the time and I'm very happy with my weight. I occasionally splurge by going to MacDonalds. And when I do, I get a Big Mac. And the way I love my Big Mac is to have a whole bunch of extra Special Sauce on it. Over the years I've tried asking them to put extra Special Sauce on it. They never put on enough extra to meet just how much more I want. So I've taken to asking for a side of extra Special Sauce and add it myself.

The first time I asked for this in the United States, many years back, I remember the workers being a bit taken aback by my request.  But it has now been many years in the United States since I have seen anyone bat an eye at my request. They immediately nod and I get a little cup with extra Special Sauce served. Sometimes I pay extra (which I'm more than happy to do), sometimes I don't.

And so, today, in Bucharest, Romania, I decided I would stop in at the MacDonalds in the lower level of the Piata Unirii Mall. This is the place where I bowled my first 200 game. And as I approached the counter, I remembered that a few years back I had attempted to order a Big Mac according to my specifications and had failed. I had explained very clearly to the worker that I wanted a Big Mac and a side of extra Special Sauce in a little cup or something. She nodded and smiled and then told me that my Big Mac would be right up. It seemed to take a long time. And I was kinda in a hurry. She finally puts a Big Mac on a platter and pushes it toward me.

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"Um, I asked for a side of extra Special Sauce."

"We put extra Special Sauce on the Big Mac," she says, still smiling. 

I sighed and took the order, in too much of a hurry to make a point of this thing. And it was nowhere near the amount of Special Sauce I had wanted.

So I went there today with a singular plan. I was going to get a Big Mac with an extra side of Special Sauce. Or I was getting nothing at all.

I waited my turn to place my order. I stated that I would like a Big Mac, please. Not the value meal (I'm Paleo, I don't eat fries). And I said I would like, please, in a little cup or something, some extra Special Sauce.

The worker immediately turns and calls for the manager. I've gone off script, you understand.

A tall brute of a MacDonald's uniformed man approaches. She explains what I've requested. 

He tells me, "We can give you a Big Mac with extra Special Sauce on it."

I shake my head. "I'm asking, please, for a Big Mac, with the extra Special Sauce in a little cup or something." (Keep in mind, I've learned that the so-called Big Mac with extra sauce just isn't as much extra sauce as I want.)

"That's not on the menu," he says. "We can't do that."

"Why?" I ask simply. "I'm willing to pay. How much can I pay for extra Special Sauce in a little cup?"

"It's not on the menu," he repeats. "We have extra ketchup, extra Sweet and Sour sauce, but you can't get extra Special Sauce on the side."

"How much do two extra ketchups cost? I ask.

"Four lei," he answers. (Approximately one dollar and change.)

"I'll pay for two extra ketchups and you give me one extra Special Sauce?"

He shakes his head. "No! Don't you understand?" He's raising his voice at this point. "It's not on the menu. Ketchup is ketchup. Special Sauce is Special Sauce. You can't get extra Special Sauce."

I sighed. And I had decided in advance that I was not going to back down on this point. "That's unfortunate," I said to him. "I'm not ordering anything if I can't get extra Special Sauce."

He shrugs. He's done. I'm positive he thinks I'm as crazy as I know he's an idiot.

And I left without my Big Mac.

I found a wonderful place in the Lipscani neighborhood where I ate a Shwarma. And I'll look forward to eating a Big Mac, with a side of extra Special Sauce, when I get back to the United States. In fact, if I see one in the airport in Amsterdam on my way home, I'll order one there. I don't imagine they will think extra Special Sauce is a crisis serious enough to reject my order.

Adventures in Romania: Part One

With one week left of our vacation here, I needed to recharge my public transportation card before going off to the National Library (my quiet, clean, smoke-free escape in this country). 

(RATB is the company that runs public transportation. It stands for Regia Autonoma de Transport Bucuresti.)

Now, last year at this juncture, we had a bit of an issue. I had needed to recharge my transportation card for one week. I had first purchased a month after my arrival. Then we were traveling outside Bucharest for some days. And I needed one more week. I went up to the little booth and told the woman I'd like one week on this card, please.

I gave the woman my card through the tiny window in your high security booth. And then she tole me a number about four times larger than I expected. I looked at the prices and she had just said the amount for a month.

"Sorry, I only wanted a week."

"Too late," she says. "I put a month on it."

"Um, delete that please and give me a week?"

"Can't do that, you owe me for the month."

I'm realizing that I am probably at this point the victim of an attempted scam. I'm leaving in a week, I repeat. I don't need a month. I'm not paying for a month.

"Then you don't get this card back," she says.

And then I just lost it. I was screaming at this woman through the little window that I am leaving here and I am going to report what just happened here. And I stormed back to our apartment to tell my wife, a native speaker, that I would be needing her help to deal with this situation. She and I go back there, I am primarily just planning to get whatever information I need to make my formal complaint. The second the woman sees me and my wife approach the window, she says quickly, "Oh, I figured out how to remove the month. I've added a week. Here's the card."

We paid for one week and left.

 It was obvious that the woman had come to sense that she could probably get in some trouble over the way it all went down and just wanted me to leave quietly.

Okay, all that was context for the fact that this morning I again needed to put a week on my RATB card. And I was resolved to make sure that nothing even close to last year's scandal happen again. I approach the booth. I stop and think through what I am and am not going to do. What I am not going to do is release my card through that little window until I am confident that one week and only one week is going on that card.

I walk close enough to see the price guide. I find my magic number. One week will cast 17 lei. That is the amount of money I need to hear that woman acknowledge will the price of the transaction before I am willing to let my card go into the corruption-laden abyss of an RATB ticket booth. 

I'm holding my card in sight of the woman. Good morning, I say. I'd like to recharge this card for one week, please.

"Give me the card, please," she says.

Nota bene, this is exactly how things started last year. They will not continue the same way.

"Um, let me just explain that I want one week only," I said. "It costs 17 lei, right?"

"Give me the card, please," she says again.

I shake my head. "I need to hear how many days you're going to put on."

At this point she's screaming. "I need your card to see if I can even charge it or not!"

I'm thinking, this is a card charging station. If charging these things is frequently hit or miss, you've got a problem in this country. 

It is entirely possible that I was, today, the first person in her card charging career who, when asked to hand it over, did not immediately comply. And she was at a loss to understand how to deal with this crisis.

I say calmly, "Ma'am, I'm not angry. Please don't be angry. I asked last year for a week and they put a month on this card. And then they wouldn't give it back to me unless I paid for a month. I'm not giving you this card until I hear you tell me you understand that I want a week and only a week."

She sat back, looking at me. "You want a week. I understand."

I told her, "That's 17 lei, I already know. Here's my card." I also passed a 50 lei note.

She pressed some buttons. And then she gave me back my card and 33 lei.

Now let me be clear. I do not believe this woman was going to attempt to scam me the way last year's worker tried. But I had approached the situation with the plan that I was going to make my order clear. And in so doing, I clearly had struck against a nerve of how this bureaucracy works still. These orders are supposed to happen with me making an order and then hoping it happens as requested. And any attempt to confirm it is certainly not welcome because it is off script for them. 

I wish I could say that this was the most frustrating thing to happen to me in Bucharest, Romania today. Unfortunately, the next post will tell a different story.

Going Down to the Tavern...

My recent trip to Greece reminded me how the Latin word taberna has evolved in interesting ways. Originally the word simply meant shop or store. You would go to a taberna to buy a toga, a different taberna might specialize in jewelry, another in spices, and so on. If you go to a Middle Eastern Sooq today you can get a good idea of what a taberna was. To get you into the place, the owner will offer you a cup of tea or coffee. And in ancient Rome, they would offer you a cup of wine. 

Now, in practice, an ancient Roman taberna was probably always in the drink business alongside selling togas, etc. It was basically the same principle whereby American stores and restaurants know that letting the public use your bathroom for free is basically good business. The rest of the world, including Western Europe, hasn't completely caught up with us on this point yet. While on vacation in Europe, I know that buying a beer is frequently the cost for using a bathroom. And this can turn into a negative feedback loop pretty fast. 

Anyway, back to the Roman taberna. It was a store, but it was also a place to buy a glass of wine. And there were certainly tabernae that specialized in wine as well. And if you were at one such place, they also didn't want you leaving if you suddenly found yourself hungry. They were certainly in the snack business as well.

And that brings us to how the Latin word taberna would evolve. In Greece, a taverna is a restaurant. Now, in practice, there is no taverna in Greece where you can not also get a beer or a glass of wine. In the English tradition, both Britain and America, a tavern is primarily a place where you go to get a drink. But in practice, there is no tavern where you can not also get a bite to eat.

In Madison, Wisconsin, where I grew up, my father would frequently declare that he was "going down to the Ohio Tavern" for a drink. (It was just three blocks away.) I'm delighted to learn that the place is still in business. Like so many other places in Wisconsin, there are even claims that it's haunted.

Cheers, Dad. I sure miss you.